Each day, as I drive 55 minutes to and from work, I tune in to National Public Radio (NPR) on my Jeep’s robust factory installed FM radio. NPR’s even keel approach to ‘news and ideas’ helps me to get a little more usefulness out of my drive. Twice a year, NPR holds a fund-drive in an effort to keep itself up and running. The most recent fund-drive occurred over the last several days. Generally, the fund drive is very annoying (especially if I have already donated) and prompts me to change the radio station. During the first two or three days of the fund-drive, I channel surf on the FM stereo, as I semi-clumsily operate my Jeep, in an effort to find a suitable listening alternative. My tune search usually goes something like this:
Fshzzz < Britany Spears > (nope)
Fshzzz < George Strait > (nope)
Fshzzz
Fshzzz
Fshzzz (any day now)
Fshzzz (O' S#^t!, I almost hit that mailbox)
Fshzzz
Fshzzz
Fshzzz < Missy “Mistamina” Elliot > (nope)
Fshzzz < “and the Lord said unto the….” > (o brother)
Fshzzz
Fshzzz < Limp Bizkit > (*Sigh*)
Fshzzz < Garth Brooks > (….)
Fshzzz < Confederate Railroad > (hell no!)
Fshzzz < John Boy and Billy morning show > (may be…)
“ OK, lets take another caller….Mornen!, yer on the John Boy and Billy show…”
“uh hello…. am I on?”
“Yer on the John Boy and Billy show…”
“Hello?”
“Hello!”
“O…uh…hi”
“…” (I can almost feel my self getting dumber)
“Did I win!?”
“….um, there wasn’t a competition…”
“….oh” (yup, I’m dumber)
Fshzzz
Fshzzz < The Begees > (Ahhh)
Fshzzz
Fshzzz (woa! That was another close one… Stupid mailboxes!)
Fshzzz
Fshzzz (Dang it! Did I miss my turn?)
Sometimes, the tune surfing process goes on for almost my entire drive, which is longer than normal because I keep missing my turns.
After a few days of tune surfing shenanigans, I realize that I am needlessly putting my life in danger. Do not ask me why I have to go through this whole danger-realization process every single time NPR has a fund-drive...
On about the third or fourth day of the fund drive, I normally pull out my portable CD player. This of course has it’s own inherent set of driving-hazard traits, but they are nothing compared to the hazards of outright tune surfing. As long as I pick the right CD, I can make it all the way to work (and back) with out touching my CD player. No matter how you consider it, The CD player seems to be a lot more cheerful (and safer) than tune surfing.
Unfortunately, during this last NPR fund-drive, my CD player failed to function properly. I could not figure out if the batteries were out, or if the CDs were to far scratched, or if the CD player it self had a problem: I tried new batteries and different CDs. I tried shaking the CD player. I tried yelling at the CD player. And yes, I tried threatening the CD player. Nothing seemed to work. Although, I must admit that at first, I had a feeling that the CD player was going to give in to some of my more creative threats…something to do with embarrassing pictures of the CD player’s mother… Eventually, I realized that I was trying to perform some of my trouble shooting while doing 60 mph in my jeep. Once again, I was putting hundreds of mailboxes and medium size rodents at risk needlessly. So I opted for the only mature choice: Silence
I am proud to stay that I put the CD player away and turned the radio off.