A New World Record

Well its official, Lucas has set the world record. He successfully packed more poo into one diaper than has ever been done before in the history of mankind. I know that this is the world record because to get more poo onto the diaper would defy each and every one of Newton’s laws. Actually, I don’t really want to get too descriptive... Let us just say that Lucas must feel very proud. I suppose that I should feel proud as well, considering that I am the one who changed the most poo packed diaper of all time and space. Yet, somehow this accomplishment feels hollow to me. Perhaps the personal pain and suffering that I have put my five senses through was almost too much for me to bear.

Some may find it hard to believe that Lucas has truly set the world record. I imagine that every parent claims to have changed the most poo packed diaper of all time. In response to your doubts, I submit the following 7 facts.

1. The diaper was a specially ordered, super baby-comfort type, cloth diaper. In other words: Large, porous, and capable of absorbing vast amounts of liquid and… other stuff.
2. Rheagan, a hardened and war tested U.S. Marine, fainted when she saw the diaper in question (Thankfully, she has had a complete recovery)
3. Jessie, our cat, also fainted on location and is now unwilling to enter the changing room ever again. (She is expected to have a full physical recovery but may continue to have nightmares about diapers for some time)
4. Since seeing the diaper, I have developed an uncontrollable twitch in my left eye (unfortunately, my doctor has told me that my condition may take a full 18 years to cure)
5. There was a full moon on the night of the incident
6. The National Inquirer has tried to contact me not less than 7 times in an effort to get an interview regarding this new world record.
7. I am not prone to exaggeration… much

Posted by paul at April 8, 2004 11:00 AM