Ha! You knew didn't you? You knew that that this little uniform tale had a bit more life to it....
So I wore the 'Air Force Desert flight suit' for the first time on a mission a couple of days ago. That is to say, I tried to wear it. First of all, I should say that I wish I had been wearing the uniform the whole time i was here. It is super comfy; basically the same as wearing pajamas all day long. Air Force pilots have got it made (the only thing they ever wear, regardless of flying status, is the pajama flight suit).
The newly found and unexpected comfort made me feel pretty good about things. Indeed I almost felt smug. I would be working in style and comfort for the rest of my tour! But I should have known better; smugness and I seldom get along with each other for long. Humility always seems to be close on the heels of smugness.
After trading a few insults with my highly amused roommate a.k.a. Princess, I squirmed into my Body Armor, pocketed six freshly packed M4 magazines, slung my M4 assault riffle, clipped on my M9 barretta pistol, then stuffed two granola bars, one peach, four spare AA batteries, three chem-lights, a field knife, one flashlight, one note book, one sketch book, two pens, a bottle of 'purell' hand sanitizer, chap stick, my keys and ID card into various cargo pockets or pouches. I then tucked my helmet under my arm and reached for my hat...........my hat....er...actually I didn't know what hat to wear. Though I have about seven different hats, none of them go with the flight suit. So after a few more snickers from my roommate, I settled for a black watch-cap (beeny-hat) and then stumbled through the door, knocking over the coffee pot (as usual) as I went, and began making my way to the mission staging area. But not before tossing one last insult to 'Princess' and slamming the door.
As I made my way to the staging area, I cought a semi-sarcastic scoff from the XO "Hey Paul! Nice pajamas!" Before I could retourt, he marched away giggling and muttering to himself about my 'ridiculous' aprearance. I thought to myself 'whatever! He doesnt know what he's missing. This pajama stuff is great!...and beside I look cool. Very cool'. The smugness had completly settled in.
At the staging area, I quickly noticed that the soldiers were rather amused by my appearance. Little pockets of soldiers here and there, would glance over at me and then quickly turn back into the center of their respective circles, full of chuckles. It gave me insecure flashbacks of my time in Grade School; worried that I looked different (which I did) and wondering if I would be accepted into the group (which I wouldn't, being the only Airman at the gathering). But then I remembered that I was very comfortable and that I looked very cool, and I immediately felt better about things. After all, when in doubt, one can always rely upon smugness to see himself through the day.
So, I smiled a little smug smile to myself, tossed my field-pack on the ground and sat down on the hood of one of the Hummvees. but, just as I was settling down into my seat, I noticed the CO coming briskly towards me....directly and specifically towards me. He was wearing one of those 'You have messed-up and I'm coming to straiten your ass out!' looks. He stopped three paces from me and shook his head. Then said “Look Paul....do you really have to be the only one that looks different today?”. He was clearly annoyed. “Look, I know what the policy is, but this just isn't going to work..”.
“Sir, I...” he cut me off.
“You didn't do anything wrong” As he said this, he somehow managed to look even more annoyed and disappointed. He took a deep breath, and I could tell that in his head he was going through the reasoning of how to 'cleanly' stop me from wearing the offending uniform that 'big Air Force' had ordered me to wear. I could feel all of my carefully garnered smugness slipping away from me.
“Sir, I can change”
“No, technically your doing the right thing” he managed in a semi-dejected and highly disappointed way.
Willfully disappointing one's CO, regardless of circumstances, is generally very foolish. “Sir, I'll change...it'll only take two minutes. Ill be back in a jiff” I offered
“OK, sounds good” he said, visibly relieved.
I ran back to my hooch, changed, traded more insults with my roommate (who was by now laughing hysterically at the whole affair), and zipped back just in time to catch the mission brief. The CO, leaned over and whispered “Paul, thanks....you don't want to be the only guy standing apart out there” (this was true enough) he paused and then added “just don't catch on fire” this last bit came across almost nervously...(but only almost). The last remnants of my smugness evaporated away...while I didn't want to be the only one standing out, I also didnt want to be the only one on fire...
Later on, it was made clear that wearing of the nomex flight-suit would generally be looked down upon. But to be fair, the 'big Air Force' policy really is foolish. And the CO has been trapped into a 'pick your evil' situation. Ah well...
So anyways, what are we up to now? 'Seven' uniform changes? Goodness gracious!