My family has a hereditary disease. And that disease is called “streaking!”. In most adults in the family it takes the form of ‘skinny-dipping’ (if you don’t know what ‘skinny-dipping’ means….it is best that you not worry about it). In Lucas’ case, this disease takes on any form that it can!
To emphasize my point, I have included an intercepted copy of Luke’s last Op-Order:
Operation BARE BUM
1800: Lull Hostile Force MOMMY and Hostile Force DADDY into a false sense of security by rubbing eyes and rolling lethargically on the living room floor
1805: Hostile Force MOMMY gives the code phrase: “Bath time”
1810: Look as cute and innocent as possible while Hostile Force DADDY fills the bathtub with water and Hostile Force MOMMY removes Friendly Force LUCAS’ clothing.
1815: As soon as all articles of clothing have been removed, make a mad dash for Sliding Glass Balcony Doors.
1816: Flash as many neighbors as possible until it is clear that Hostile Forces have regained their balance
1817: Initiate the element of surprise. Split the enemy forces into two smaller elements: Toss toy truck off of balcony into neighbors Barbeque Grill. (Hostile Force MOMMY will feel obligated to retrieve the toy and apologize to neighbor). If Hostile Force MOMMY dose not react, throw additional toys until desired affect is achieved.
1818: Fein distress at the loss of the toy truck by crying (Hostile Force MOMMY will have called Hostile Force DADDY for backup).
1820: As Hostile Force DADDY approaches, make afterburner-dash towards kitchen (be sure to take the long way around the dining room table so as to avoid the enemy’s grasp)
1821: Grab any available container and spill all contents on to floor (liquid spills on the rug are preferred)
1825: Allow Hostile Force DADDY to escort Friendly Force LUCAS to the bathtub.
1830: Splash Hostile Force MOMMY and throw Rubber ducks at Hostile Force DADDY
1835: Attempt to drink as much bathtub water as possible (but only when Hostile force MOMMY is watching)
1840: Exit Bathtub operations and behave as calm and docile as possible
1842: As soon as Hostile Force MOMMY places your feet on the ground – make a fast break for the far side of the house (giggling is preferred as this mocks the Hostile Forces)
1843: If Hostile Force DADDY has failed to close the curtains (as is often the case!!), flash all neighbors as many times as possible....
Ok, I’m back! Last week, the Air Force made another big mistake: They promoted Paul Arledge Frantz to the grade of Captain. Subsequently, I managed to become highly inebriated Friday evening. Air Force tradition and all! It is probably best if I do not go into great detail at this juncture in the story. So I wont!
The following morning I had Kendo practice. Ordinarily, getting promoted and then becoming highly inebriated would provide a solid excuse for skipping any function the following morning. However, it turns out that I was being permitted to wear Bogu (Kendo Armor) for the fist time on Saturday morning. This was an honor that I could not snub, even more so due to the fact that I barrowed a senior student’s Bogu. So the choice was simple, go to Kendo practice or live forever in shame...... Thus I went to Kendo practice.
I would like to point out that kendo is a very physical sport. In fact one of the objects and goals during keiko (practice) is to strike your opponent in the head with a 38” bamboo sword. Pair this with a hangover........
I can’t say that I impressed the Sensei with my Kendo, but at least I got through practice without passing out.
I feel heroic! But perhaps this is a misguided feeling. So the bottom line is that being a Captain apparently has not made me any smarter or wiser. lol
