Ha! You knew didn't you? You knew that that this little uniform tale had a bit more life to it....
So I wore the 'Air Force Desert flight suit' for the first time on a mission a couple of days ago. That is to say, I tried to wear it. First of all, I should say that I wish I had been wearing the uniform the whole time i was here. It is super comfy; basically the same as wearing pajamas all day long. Air Force pilots have got it made (the only thing they ever wear, regardless of flying status, is the pajama flight suit).
The newly found and unexpected comfort made me feel pretty good about things. Indeed I almost felt smug. I would be working in style and comfort for the rest of my tour! But I should have known better; smugness and I seldom get along with each other for long. Humility always seems to be close on the heels of smugness.
After trading a few insults with my highly amused roommate a.k.a. Princess, I squirmed into my Body Armor, pocketed six freshly packed M4 magazines, slung my M4 assault riffle, clipped on my M9 barretta pistol, then stuffed two granola bars, one peach, four spare AA batteries, three chem-lights, a field knife, one flashlight, one note book, one sketch book, two pens, a bottle of 'purell' hand sanitizer, chap stick, my keys and ID card into various cargo pockets or pouches. I then tucked my helmet under my arm and reached for my hat...........my hat....er...actually I didn't know what hat to wear. Though I have about seven different hats, none of them go with the flight suit. So after a few more snickers from my roommate, I settled for a black watch-cap (beeny-hat) and then stumbled through the door, knocking over the coffee pot (as usual) as I went, and began making my way to the mission staging area. But not before tossing one last insult to 'Princess' and slamming the door.
As I made my way to the staging area, I cought a semi-sarcastic scoff from the XO "Hey Paul! Nice pajamas!" Before I could retourt, he marched away giggling and muttering to himself about my 'ridiculous' aprearance. I thought to myself 'whatever! He doesnt know what he's missing. This pajama stuff is great!...and beside I look cool. Very cool'. The smugness had completly settled in.
At the staging area, I quickly noticed that the soldiers were rather amused by my appearance. Little pockets of soldiers here and there, would glance over at me and then quickly turn back into the center of their respective circles, full of chuckles. It gave me insecure flashbacks of my time in Grade School; worried that I looked different (which I did) and wondering if I would be accepted into the group (which I wouldn't, being the only Airman at the gathering). But then I remembered that I was very comfortable and that I looked very cool, and I immediately felt better about things. After all, when in doubt, one can always rely upon smugness to see himself through the day.
So, I smiled a little smug smile to myself, tossed my field-pack on the ground and sat down on the hood of one of the Hummvees. but, just as I was settling down into my seat, I noticed the CO coming briskly towards me....directly and specifically towards me. He was wearing one of those 'You have messed-up and I'm coming to straiten your ass out!' looks. He stopped three paces from me and shook his head. Then said “Look Paul....do you really have to be the only one that looks different today?”. He was clearly annoyed. “Look, I know what the policy is, but this just isn't going to work..”.
“Sir, I...” he cut me off.
“You didn't do anything wrong” As he said this, he somehow managed to look even more annoyed and disappointed. He took a deep breath, and I could tell that in his head he was going through the reasoning of how to 'cleanly' stop me from wearing the offending uniform that 'big Air Force' had ordered me to wear. I could feel all of my carefully garnered smugness slipping away from me.
“Sir, I can change”
“No, technically your doing the right thing” he managed in a semi-dejected and highly disappointed way.
Willfully disappointing one's CO, regardless of circumstances, is generally very foolish. “Sir, I'll change...it'll only take two minutes. Ill be back in a jiff” I offered
“OK, sounds good” he said, visibly relieved.
I ran back to my hooch, changed, traded more insults with my roommate (who was by now laughing hysterically at the whole affair), and zipped back just in time to catch the mission brief. The CO, leaned over and whispered “Paul, thanks....you don't want to be the only guy standing apart out there” (this was true enough) he paused and then added “just don't catch on fire” this last bit came across almost nervously...(but only almost). The last remnants of my smugness evaporated away...while I didn't want to be the only one standing out, I also didnt want to be the only one on fire...
Later on, it was made clear that wearing of the nomex flight-suit would generally be looked down upon. But to be fair, the 'big Air Force' policy really is foolish. And the CO has been trapped into a 'pick your evil' situation. Ah well...
So anyways, what are we up to now? 'Seven' uniform changes? Goodness gracious!
You may have noticed that I have been clad in numerous outfits over the last 12 months.
The run down:
5 January 2007; issued four sets of DCUs (DoD standard Desert Camouflage Uniform) for deployment -- DCUs are specified as the required uniform for deployment training and deployment
10 February 2007; issued four sets ACUs (Army's Advanced Combat Uniform) -- ACUs are specified as the uniform for the deployment.
11 February 2007; All Airmen on the team put on the ACU for deployment training
12 February 2007; After some harsh words at the senior leadership level, we are ordered back into DCUs for the duration of training.
26 March 2007; Formal deployment -- ordered to wear ACUs
12 April 2007; ordered to wear DCUs while on base and ACUs while out-side-the-wire.
5 May 2007; given latitude to wear ACUs 'more often'
15 September 2007; issued Nomex ACUs (Nomex being the flame resistant meta-aramid material developed in the early 1960s by DuPont...a good thing to wear in a combat environment...)
20 September 2007; ordered not to wear ACUs of any kind (including Nonex ACUs)
21 September 2007; issued field replacement ACUs...two additional sets, which cannot be worn....
5 October 2007; argue successfully to wear Nomex ACUs while outside-the-wire (no likes the idea of catching on fire)
7 October 2007; ordered to remove all Army unit patches from ACUs when wearing the uniform.
10 October 2007; Airmen are explicitly ordered not to wear ACUs at any time.
17 October 2007; argue successfully to wear Nomex ACUs while outside-the-wire
11 November 2007; issued Army winter weight ACUs,...which cannot be worn
5 December 2007; issued four sets ABUs (Air-Force Battle Uniform)...ordered to wear only ABUs (ACU uniforms of any kind are now not authorized)
8 December 2007; discover that tops and bottoms of ABUs do not match (different colors of dye....almost everyone has this problem)
9-13 December 2007; try, albeit unsuccessfully, to trade with other Airmen to land matching sets of ABUs
14 December 2007; find correctly dyed ABU bottoms and trade for them.
15 December 2007; figure out that the newly traded ABU bottoms also do not match...there is yet a third non matching color of dye....
21 December 2007; give up trying to find matching uniforms
20 January 2008; issued a single AF DFS (Air Force Desert Flight Suit....which is made with Nomex). Army Nomex ACUs are no longer authorized at any time. AF DFS is only outside-the-wire uniform ('when a flame resistant uniform is authorized')
Now in the midst of all of this, we have been issued only one set of body armor (way back in January 2007), which comes in an ACU pattern. So when we are not wearing ACUs of one variety or another, we are not camouflaged. In other words, in the midst of exchanging uniforms six times over a thirteen month period, we have quite literally been ordered out of camouflage (or out of 'uniform' depending upon the dictionary meaning you choose).
And of course, by this point, everyone here is too confused (or frustrated) to know what to wear. This afternoon walking back from lunch. I saw every single one of the aforementioned uniforms being worn, plus a few mixes and mis-matches of these. For the most part, it's not such a big deal, except we are all running out of space to stow all of the uniform parts that we cant wear.
Sometimes it is easy to see why good-ol' Willie Nelson decided not to pay taxes all those years.... lol
From the Merrium-Webster Online Dictionary:
'Uniform'
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English uniforme, from Middle French, from Latin uniformis, from uni- + -formis -form
Date:15th century
1 : having always the same form, manner, or degree : not varying or variable
2 : consistent in conduct or opinion
3 : of the same form with others : conforming to one rule or mode : consonant
4 : presenting an unvaried appearance of surface, pattern, or color
5 : relating to or being convergence of a series whose terms are functions in such manner that the absolute value of the difference between the sum of the first n terms of the series and the sum of all terms can be made arbitrarily small for all values of the domain of the functions by choosing the nth term sufficiently far along in the series
Function: transitive verb
Date: circa 1681
1 : to bring into uniformity 2 : to clothe with a uniform
Function: noun
Date: 1748
1 : dress of a distinctive design or fashion worn by members of a particular group and serving as a means of identification; broadly : distinctive or characteristic clothing
Less than two months to go, and everyone here is more than ready to come home. These last days seem to drip by both impossibly slow and simultaneously, blindingly fast.
Between Kabul and Jalalabad
British Soldiers hard pressed during a fierce snowball fight at the ISAF compound in Kabul.
Finally! Finally! Finally! 2008 is firmly in the rear view mirror.
Along with about 45 other soldiers and airmen on the FOB, I started the new year off with a 5k run. The event began on December 31st at 2350 and continued through to the New Year; celebrating at the end with sparkling cider (as close as we can get to spirits). Thus, I am on track for my most fit year ever. ...it very likely wont last, but for now, I can enjoy the unrealistic pleasure of a perfect fitness regimen.
Speaking of New Year's resolutions, Last year I set ten resolutions for myself. I met two of the resolutions, sort-of kind-of met three others and didn't get very far with the rest of them. Not the best record, but much better than I have managed before (normally I don't meet any of the resolutions). Ive set a few more resolutions for myself for this year. Check-in in 365 days to see how it goes.
Happy New Year!